There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
