the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
