"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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