I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
