pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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