Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
