i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
you're hired as official boob wrangler
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
