Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
