1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
