alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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