Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I need a burrito and a hug.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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