my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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