If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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