the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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