Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
