I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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