Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
