She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
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I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
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he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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