The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
