dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Its about making memories worth repressing
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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