he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
two words...techno handjob
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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