Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
