There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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