I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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