Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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