I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
