i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
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it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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