i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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