the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
