That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
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Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
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So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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