It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
