Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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