I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
