my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
