so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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