Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I stole a fireplace last night.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
