apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
