She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
