now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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