You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
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By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
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there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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