your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
