im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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