every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize