Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
