I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
