How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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