Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
