if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
