based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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