He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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