Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
