I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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