normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
