Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I need to sanitize my soul.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
