im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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