She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He did a backflip because drugs
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
