I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
