Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
