I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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