just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
