I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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