You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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