sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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