her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
