i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
