So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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