Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
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Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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