Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
