And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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