so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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